The engine of high-stakes personalization
The website opening page presented the site theme – we are our choices.
Making choices is an intellectual activity of an individual brain, an effort philosophers call thinking (2) responding to a “call” (1) also originating in the subconscious mind. Our target is confined to the significant sociotechnical system problems we label Category three.
“Thinking” underwrites choice making by comparing the knowledge about candidate fixes to a prioritized value system also held within the individual’s brain (3). Choices made that turn out to be good attest that high-stakes thinking took place. 1 2 3
The theme is so central to our life’s trajectory it is expressly connected to this page:
- Scope of page subject matter
- The logical couplings between theme, the sociotechnical system, and this page
- Choices to be made
Scope: This page covers the engine of effective personalization, the therapeutic Triad of Carl Rogers. This is always the first step in establishing high-stakes trust and it is never the wrong way to start a relationship. It works so well you will wonder why everyone doesn’t use it as standard practice. It launches a positive reciprocity relationship that pays for itself many times over, and it never runs out. Once you practice a bit and see the effect, it’s easy and natural. You will never be rated as untrustworthy while following the script. It is the Platinum rule writ large.
Connections: The Rogerian Triad is a vital skill for the Plan B interventionist that connects to everything social. It is always implemented in Plan B one on one in private. Whatever the person reveals about himself is strictly confidential. You not only gain his trust, you relieve some of his angst and contribute to his physical well being. Of course, you have to have your act together when you perform the Rogerian Triad.
The Rogerian Triad role in Plan B
There is no doubt that the effectiveness of the keystone to control productivity centers around his personal relationships with his reports. They have to be in positive, master/apprentice mode, simple, but the most successful hierarchy of all time. This condition features two requisites, proximity and healthy rapports. Proximity he has by his role. For the requisite of positive personalization with his revenue crew, he needs to apply the appropriate social intelligence. He cannot trust his intuition in this all-important matter. It was corrupted by his social conditioning.
The sure-fire practice that brings this wonderful relationship about was developed and perfected by Carl Rogers several decades ago. Called the Rogerian Triad (RT), it is taught is every school for psychotherapists. The Triad for healthy personalization consists of authenticity (1), empathy (2), and unconditional positive regard (3). If a practitioner is insecure or doesn’t have his act together, it is instantly recognized by the worker as inauthentic and all bets are off.
Being empathic: “To be with another in this way means that for the time being you lay aside the views and values you hold for yourself in order to enter another’s world without prejudice. In some sense it means that you lay aside your self and this can only be done by a person who is secure enough in himself that he knows he will not get lost in what may turn out to be the strange or bizarre world of the other, and can comfortably return to his own world when he wishes. Perhaps this description makes clear that being empathic is a complex, demanding, strong yet subtle and gentle way of being.”
Over the years, however, the research evidence keeps piling up, and it points strongly to the conclusion that a high degree of empathy in a relationship is possibly the most potent and certainly one of the most potent factors in bringing about change and learning.
An empathic way of being can be learned from empathic persons. Perhaps the most important statement of all is that the ability to be accurately empathic is something which can be developed by training. Therapists, parents and teachers can be helped to become empathic. This is especially likely to occur if their teachers and supervisors are themselves individuals of sensitive understanding. It is most encouraging to know that this subtle, elusive quality, of utmost importance in therapy, is not something one is “born with”, but can be learned, and learned most rapidly in an empathic climate.
The third facilitative aspect of the relationship is empathic understanding. This means that the interventionist senses accurately the feelings and personal meanings that the keystone is experiencing and communicates this understanding to him. When functioning best, the therapist is so much inside the private world of the other that he or she can clarify not only the meanings of which the client is aware but even those just below the level of awareness. This kind of sensitive, active listening is exceedingly rare in our lives. We think we listen, but very rarely do we listen with real understanding, true empathy. Yet listening, of this very special kind, is one of the most potent forces for change that I know.
To perceive the internal frame of reference of another with accuracy and with the emotional components and meanings which pertain thereto as if one were the person, but without ever losing the “as if” condition. Thus, it means to sense the hurt or the pleasure of another as he senses it and to perceive the causes thereof as he perceives them, but without ever losing the recognition that it is as if I were hurt or pleased and so forth. Genuine empathy is always free of any evaluative or diagnostic quality. This comes across to the recipient with some surprise. “If I am not being judged, perhaps I am not so evil or abnormal as I have thought.”
When the other person is hurting, confused, troubled, anxious, alienated, terrified; or when he or she is doubtful of self-worth, uncertain as to identity, then understanding is called for. The gentle and sensitive companionship of an empathic stance… provides illumination and healing. In such situations deep understanding is, I believe, the most precious gift one can give to another.
When I have been listened to and when I have been heard, I am able to re-perceive my world in a new way and to go on. It is astonishing how elements that seem insoluble become soluble when someone listens, how confusions that seem irremediable turn into relatively clear flowing streams when one is heard. I have deeply appreciated the times that I have experienced this sensitive, empathic, concentrated listening.
Unconditional positive regard
Unconditional positive regard is the practice of showing nonjudgmental acceptance and warmth towards “clients.” It is a key component of successful transformation. When clients feel accepted and understood by their interventionist, they are more equipped to develop positive views about themselves and act in ways that improve their lives. A creative, active, sensitive, accurate, empathic, nonjudgmental listening is terribly important in a relationship.
The central hypothesis of this approach can be briefly stated. It is that the individual has within him or her self vast resources for self-understanding, for altering her or his self-concept, attitudes, and self-directed behavior—and that these resources can be tapped if only a definable climate of facilitative psychological attitudes can be provided.
Unconditional positive regard is essential for healthy development a therapeutic component. Through providing unconditional positive regard, humanistic therapists seek to help their clients accept and take responsibility for themselves. Humanistic psychologists believe that by showing the client unconditional positive regard and acceptance, the therapist is providing the best possible conditions for personal growth to the client.
By definition, it is essential in any helping relationship to have an anticipation for change. In the trust-building relationship, that anticipation presents as Hope—an optimism that something good and positive will develop to bring about constructive change in the keystone’s personality. Thus, unconditional positive regard means that the interventionist has and shows overall acceptance of the keystone by setting aside his own personal opinions and biases. The main factor in unconditional positive regard is the ability to isolate behaviors from the person who displays them.
For me empathy expresses the primary theme of my whole professional life, as that theme has been clarified through experience, interaction with others, and research. This theme has been utilized and found effective in many different areas, until the broad label ‘a person-centered approach’ seems the most descriptive. The central hypothesis of this approach can be briefly stated: It is that the individual has within him or her self vast resources for self-understanding, for altering her or his self-concept, attitudes, and self-directed behavior–and that these resources can be tapped if only a definable climate of facilitative psychological attitudes can be provided.
This is an attitude of grace, an attitude that values us even knowing our failings. It is a profound relief to drop our pretenses, confess our worst feelings, and discover that we are still accepted. In a good marriage, a close family, or an intimate friendship, we are free to be spontaneous without fearing the loss of others’ esteem.
Unconditional positive regard can be facilitated by keeping in mind Rogers’ belief that all people have the internal resources required for personal growth. Rogers’ theory encouraged other interventionists to suspend judgement, and to listen to a person with an attitude that the client has within himself/herself the ability to change, without actually changing who he/she is.
The people who preach its virtue often don’t understand what authenticity means. Authentic is dictionary-defined as: “not false or copied; genuine; real.” And, “representing one’s true nature or beliefs; true to oneself or to the person identified.
Being authentic refers to the therapist, not his client. If you don’t have your act together, don’t start the relationship. The subconscious mind decides about your authenticity in a dozen milliseconds. Once your client suspects you are play acting, your opportunity to help him evaporates.
Authenticity is about presence, living in the moment with conviction and confidence and staying true to yourself. An authentic person puts the people around them at ease, like a comforting, old friend who welcomes us in and makes us feel at home.
There’s never any doubt or questioning the integrity of an authentic individual. Their behavior, in terms of ethics and morals, is as predictable as snow during wintertime in Minnesota. You know what you’re going to get.
Authenticity has faced something of a public relations crisis in recent times. It seems the word has lost meaning because it’s now ubiquitous in business, on personal blogs and even in style magazines. Everyone wants to be authentic. Though the people who preach its virtue are seldom qualified themselves.
What many of us realize is, when we’re looking to build relationships in life, we want grow and learn from people of values. This means we identify and desire to find people who are honest, trustworthy and kind. On this path, we find that we don’t have time for those who don’t deal in the truth, in reality. Phoniness is a human characteristic that can be sensed from miles away.
It is crucial to recognize that authenticity is a social ability. Implicit in the concept of being authentic — “being actually what is claimed” — are qualities of interactive behavior. We regard a person as authentic to the extent that her conduct towards others accords with what she truly believes in. POSIWID
Authenticity is a concept in psychology (in particular existential psychiatry) as well as existentialist philosophy and aesthetics (in regard to various arts and musical genres). In existentialism, authenticity is the degree to which an individual’s actions are congruent with their beliefs and desires, despite external pressures; the conscious self is seen as coming to terms with being in a material world and with encountering external forces, pressures, and influences which are very different from, and other than, itself. A lack of authenticity is considered in existentialism to be bad faith. The call of authenticity resonates with the famous instruction by the Oracle of Delphi, “Know thyself.” But authenticity extends this message: “Don’t merely know thyself – be thyself.”
Authenticity’s calling – being true to oneself – deceivingly conceals the deep chasms between two divergent interpretations of the “self”: essentialist and existentialist. Essentialist authenticity demands we find and follow our preordained destiny, our inborn core. Conversely, existentialist authenticity prescribes “determine your destiny!” urging people to become aware of their freedom to choose their own path, which may, but need not, join that of others. While essentialists search for signs of self-betrayals, existentialists defiantly ask, “How am I not myself?” and answer: only when I forget my freedom, and surrender to “bad faith.” Otherwise, my choices – whatever they might be – constitute me.
People still clinging to the old values were afraid of being the only ones who did so, and they were more frightened of isolation than of committing an error, they joined the masses even though they differed with them. In this way, the opinion of only one part of the population seemed to be the opinion of all and everybody, and exactly for this reason seemed irresistible to those who were responsible for the deceptive appearance. Alexis de Tocqueville 1838
All individuals exist in a continually changing world of experience, a phenomenal field in which they center. The individual reacts to the field as it is experienced and perceived. For the individual, this perceptual field is “reality. The organism reacts as an organized whole to this phenomenal field. Behavior is basically the goal-directed attempt of the organism to satisfy its needs as experienced, in the field as perceived. Most of the ways of behaving that are adopted by the organism are those that are consistent with the concept of self.
When incongruence exists, and the individual is unaware of it, then he is potentially vulnerable to anxiety, threat, and disorganization. If a significant new experience demonstrates the discrepancy so clearly that it must be consciously perceived, then the individual will be threatened, and his concept of self disorganized by this contradictory and inassimilable experience. Experiences which were incongruent with the individual’s concept of himself tended to be denied to awareness, whatever their social character. See the self as a criterion by which the organism screened out experiences which could not comfortably be permitted in consciousness. Material which is significantly inconsistent with the concept of self cannot be directly and freely admitted to awareness.
Assuming a minimal mutual willingness to be in contact and to receive communications, the greater the communicated congruence of experience-awareness, and behavior on the part of one individual, the more the ensuing relationship will involve a tendency toward reciprocal communication with the same qualities, mutually accurate understanding of the communications, improved psychological adjustment and functioning in both parties, and mutual satisfaction in the relationship.
Conversely, the greater the communicated incongruence of experience, awareness, and behavior, the more the ensuing relationship will involve further communication with the same quality, disintegration of accurate understanding, lessened psychological adjustment in both parties, and mutual dissatisfaction in the relationship.
The values attached to experiences, and the values that are a part of the self-structure, in some instances, are values experienced directly by the organism, and in some instances are values introjected or taken over from others, but perceived in distorted fashion, as if they had been experienced directly.
Increasing organismic trust – they trust their own judgment and their ability to choose behavior that is appropriate for each moment. They do not rely on existing codes and social norms but trust that as they are open to experiences they will be able to trust their own sense of right and wrong.
Freedom of choice – not being shackled by the restrictions that influence an incongruent individual, they are able to make a wider range of choices more fluently. They believe that they play a role in determining their own behavior and so feel responsible for their own behavior.
The educational situation which most effectively promotes significant learning is one in which (a) threat to the self of the learner is reduced to a minimum and (b) differentiated perception of the field is facilitated. The instructor should be open to learning from the students and also working to connect the students to the subject matter. Frequent interaction with the students will help achieve this goal. The instructor’s acceptance of being a mentor who guides rather than the expert who tells is instrumental to student-centered, nonthreatening, and unforced learning.
The way of being with another person which is termed empathic…means temporarily living in their life, moving abut in it delicately without making judgment… to be with another in this way means that for the time being you lay aside the views and values you hold for yourself in order to enter the other’s world without prejudice…a complex, demanding, strong yet subtle and gentle way of being. Carl Rogers
- Angst impedes inner autonomy
- First accept what you are, change will come unnoticed.
- Detect the underlying orderliness in social relationships
- A person cannot teach another person directly; a person can only facilitate another’s learning
- There are no generic solutions to particular issues, only generic methodology and procedures.
- Never use group pressure as a determinant of your action.
- MitM is the only role without restrictions without the need for defensiveness.
- Without AQI and power, autonomy is meaningless.
- The span of Government rot always exceeds its measurement.
- Deny failed implementations from having a negative psychological impact
- AQI truth is implementation truth
- Taking responsibility for performance liberates you from role restrictions. MitMs have no role restrictions
- A life without taking outcome responsibility for self and society is a life without psychological success
- The social behavior you observe is never a conglomeration of isolated events.
- The head shed cannot actualize its self-image as omnipotent
- You cannot give anyone power but you can avoid taking any of it away.
- Divest yourself of your conditions of worth.
- To engender prosperity in the real world only implementation truth works.
- Adversarial positions dissolve in joint implementation.
- You can only apply a reference standard that is already there.
- The curious paradox is that when I can accept myself just as I am, then I can change.
- Without autonomy, AQI and power for the implementers in a revolving relationship with trial and error, there is no Plan B.
- First discover/recognize the order. Then bring order to it. Entropy extraction
- The rewarding nature of Plan B is in the process itself.
- Plan A is a defensive, if-then, organization
- Learned behavior not a mental disease
- You are more real than your relationships
- You make this type of learning possible. It cannot be compelled.
- Secure agreement on what constitutes success.
- Note the self-actualizing tendency of life itself.
- Learning comes from implementation of conjectures
- The task of dealing with a failure in synchronization
- Rigidity has a very poor record of evolutionary survival.
- Plan B is unclouded with terms which rest in subjectivity
- The more original the advance more contemporaries will judge it as evil
- Creating security in a relationship enables communication
- Nothing in life is fixed.
- Live by your interpretation of your experience.
- Personal growth precedes productivity increase
- Imperfect human beings can be of therapeutic assistance to other imperfect human beings.
- The greater the congruence between self and experience, the less will be the degree of perceptual defensiveness exhibited.
- Open to implementation experience is requisite. It’s how you handle novelty and complexity.
- Commitment is an achievement.
- Nothing in life is fixed
- Heteronomy is opposed to autonomy
- Choosing to be in the grip of circumstances.
- Growth in productivity occurs when individuals confront problems, struggle to master them, and through that struggle develop new aspects of their skills, capacities, views about life.
- Things get better and better in Plan B just as things get worse and worse in Plan B.
- Because of the need for self-regard, the individual perceives his experience selectively, in terms of the conditions of worth which have come to exist in him.
- The only reality you can know is the world as you perceive and experience it at this moment.
- Realness draws out realness
- There must be a decrease in the conditions of worth. Obedience to doctrine.
- There must be an increase in unconditional self-regard.
- Be the psychological amniotic fluid.
- Implementation is the source of all psychological satisfaction
- You are seeing man act as he is forced to act.
- Releasing a tendency, which has been blocked, to develop as a person.
- Behavior is a derivative of context, the psychological working environment, attitudes and stuff. Change context, change social behavior.
- In a person who is open to experience each stimulus is freely relayed through the nervous system, without being distorted by any process of defensiveness. Being not open to experience is the borrowing of trouble.
- Trend is not destiny.
- Understand the persistent characteristics of the process
- Don’t flout authorities. Give them happy choices to make.
- Estrangement is something learned.
- No one learns from conclusions
- The truth has to be discovered during implementation
- The clash between the person and the environment sharpens self-consciousness
- Nothing can extinguish the drive to be itself
- When the relationship is equalitarian (equals) each will take responsibility for himself
- One cannot live a complete life without personal freedom and responsibility
- No other person’s ideas and none of my own ideas are as authoritative as my experience. Maladjusted to reality equals defensive
- Maladjusted to experience delivers defensiveness – you encounter the defensiveness first.
- Can’t compel creativity, learning, responsibility, awareness
- Transcend yourself to set new goals. Question your guiding purpose.
- Getting better gets better just as getting worse gets worse.
- There is no clear distinction between process and outcome.
- If certain attitudinal conditions exist, then certain definable changes will occur.
- If the leader creates the climate, the staff will become self-responsible, creative, adaptable, cooperative.
- Man is a process of becoming.
- It is the meaning of the decision which is essential to understanding the act.
- Freedom to choose is one of the deepest elements underlying change.
- All knowing is uncertain, involves risk, and is grasped and comprehended only through the deep, personal commitment of a disciplined search.It is always development towards autonomy and away from heteronomy.
- The actionable reality which influences behavior is at all times the perceived reality.
- Degree of congruence is inversely related to degree of defensiveness
- The constructs of sociotechnology have generality, are highly pervasive
- Being open to consider concepts that vary from one’s own is vital to learning.
- Once you accept reality, change comes about spontaneously.
- The most harm an ideology can do its adherents is forcing the cumulating experiences to remain as a conglomeration of isolated events.
- Self control of implementation is a requisite for becoming a fully functioning person.
- Avoiding pursuits of the impossible, we have learned never to indulge in useless lamentations over an inescapable state of affairs.
- The question of loss of inalienable rights never arises.
- All knowing is uncertain, involves risk, and is grasped and comprehended only through the deep, personal commitment of a disciplined search.
- Head shed keeps on trying to actualize a self that is incongruent with experience.
- Experiences which run contrary to the conditions of worth are perceived selectively and distorted to be in accord with the conditions of worth. Don’t allow them.
- The guidance cannot come from outside, not even partial. The outside is messed up. Only internal guidance can be trusted.
- The incongruent see the responses of the congruent as threatening. Exploit this. Don’t ask them to do what they cannot, give choices in petition
- All perception (and I would add, all awareness) is transactional in nature. A perception is a hypothesis or prognosis for action.
- Because of the need for self-regard, the individual perceives his experience selectively, in terms of the conditions of worth which have come to exist in him.
The only law by which people really abide is the law of public opinion. John Locke (1701)
The Rogerian Triad (RT) is hands-down, the most effective tool in the toolroom for easing Plan A keystones into Plan B. It is a happy scene from day one. We use this technique in every one of our social relationships at work, at home, and in the community. The payoffs come in the currency of positive reciprocity and are huge. You can never tell ahead of time what a recipient of the RT can bring to the party. It’s the most beautiful social behavior on the planet. We wallow in its benefits every day.
Society conditions, rewards and reinforces behaviors that are “perversions of the unitary actualizing tendency.” We do not come into the world estranged from ourselves, socialization is behind this alienation. Socialization bifurcated you into incompatible behavioral systems – the basis of all psychological pathology in humankind.
The path of development toward psychological maturity, the path of therapy, is the undoing of this estrangement in man’s functioning, the dissolving of conditions of worth, the achievement of a self which is congruent with experience, and the restoration of a unified organismic, valuing process as the regulator of behavior.
It is the burden of being responsible for the self one chooses to be. The individual who sees himself and his situation clearly and who freely takes responsibility for that self and for that situation is a very different person from the one who is simply in the grip of outside circumstances. You were brought up in a climate of hypocrisy, deceit, mixed messages, double think, double speak, and consciously deceitful statements.
The MitM moves out voluntarily, freely, responsibly, to play his part in a world whose determined events move through him and through his spontaneous choice and will. He courageously chooses to live his potentialities. He sets the standard that will be voluntarily adopted by his reports. The effect on happiness and productivity is dramatic.
The significance of inner autonomy cannot be overemphasized. The individual who sees himself and his situation clearly and who freely takes responsibility for that self and for that situation is a very different person from the one who is simply in the grip of outside circumstances.
Labor is the capital of our working men, justly entitled to its share of government favor. Those who toil for daily wages are beginning to understand that financial capital, though sometimes vaunting its importance and clamoring for the protection and favor of the government, is dull and sluggish till touched by the magical hand of labor, when it springs into activity, furnishing an occasion for federal taxation and gaining the value that enables it to bear its burden, and the laboring man is thoughtfully inquiring whether, in these circumstances, and considering the tribute he constantly pays into the public treasury as he supplies his daily wants, he receives his fair ·share of advantages.
The gulf between employers and employed is constantly widening, and classes are rapidly forming, one comprising the very rich and powerful, while in another are found the toiling poor. As we view the achievements of aggregated capital we discover the existence of Trusts, combinations, and monopolies, while the citizen is struggling far in the rear, or is trampled to death under an iron heel. ..The discontent of the employed is due, in a large degree, to the grasping and heedless exactions of employers. Grover Cleveland, the White House (1887)